He Loves Me
by AnImaginaryFilm
Summary: Piers Nivans finds himself between a rock and a hard place when he awakes after the Underwater Oil Facility Incident. (Nivansfield and Jake/Piers)
1. Chapter 1: Thank you

**He Loves Me**

**Chapter One:** Thank you

You love me especially different every time. You keep me on my feet. Happily, excited by; your cologne, your hands, your smile, your intelligence. You woo me. You court me. You tease me. You please me. You school me. Give me some things to think about. Ignite me. You invite me. You co-write me. You love me. You like me. You incite me … He Loves Me, Jill Scott

It was mornings like this that made me happy. It was nights like last night, nights that made me feel so vulnerable, that made me feel whole, made me feel human, that made my heart pound in my chest, my breathing hitch, my head swim, my cheeks flush.

From where my head rested I could hear his heart beat, I could feel his chest rise and fall, his warmth. His arms were wrapped around me. We were still naked from the night before, nothing but a plain flat sheet covering us.  
The sun was rising, breaking through the blinds. I look up at him. He's still sleep. Carefully, I get up. He exhales loudly as if annoyed and adjusts himself, but stays sleeping. I can't help but smile.

The room is a mess. Clothes thrown about, the fitted sheet halfway off the mattress, blanket in a heap in the corner, condom wrappers, used condoms, lube, all in random places upon the floor.

I rummage through a drawer and slip on a pair of his sweat pants. They hang loosely around my hips, but they should suffice. I begin to pick up, putting the clothes in the hamper, used condoms and wrappers in the trash, lube on the night stand.

It looks a lot more presentable. The bed sheets will have to be washed, but trying to tackle that right now would be close to impossible. I decide to wander into his kitchen. This was the first time I have been to Chris Redfield's apartment. It was exactly as I imagined. Simple.

At least he has pancake mix. I ladle some batter onto a hot buttered pan with a satisfying sizzle. It's silly, but I begin to hum. I haven't felt this way in a long time. From my peripheral vision I see Chris leaning against the door frame watching me. He is smiling, arms crossed, and naked.

"Good morning, Cap'n!"

"I think you're more than welcome to call me Chris now."

He is walking up to me. I loved it when he smiled and he never did it as often as he should, so I cherished everyone that crossed his lips. His arms wrap around me and kisses the nape of my neck.

"I'd much rather have you for breakfast," he says nibbling on my earlobe.

"Now, now, Captain. You"ll make me burn the pancakes," I say backing my ass into him to push him back.

He laughs.

"Those are damn near falling off, Nivans. Maybe I should just take them off."

He slides his hands down my waist taking the pants with.

"Hey! I am trying to cook and I would like to do so without burning your place down."

Then I can smell smoke. Feel heat. I am no longer in a bright lit kitchen. I couldn't move. Was I tied down? Have I been captured? I can't even remember what happened. My breathing quickens, heart rate peaks. I can't see out of one eye, my right arm numb. What is this?

"Hey, Asshole. You finally up?"

That voice. I know it, but I can't seem to place it.

"Hey you hear me? Shit, don't tell me I rescued ya for nothin'. I don't really want to put you down like this."

I try to speak, but my mouth is dry and my throat burns.

"Wa-water," I gasp out, my own voice hoarse and foreign.

"Don't you think you've had enough of that? You were practically drownin' when I got you."

I tried to get up to put a face to the voice, but everything was sore and hurt.

"Don't move, Stupid. C'mon aren't you BSAA guys supposed to be smarter than that? I patched you up as good as I could but I ain't exactly a doctor."

He places on hand underneath my head and gently lifts it to a canteen. I quickly lap up the clear cold liquid.

"Breath, Puppy. There's plenty more where that came from."

He gently lays my head back. Puppy? Suddenly my mind slams into a gun being aimed at Chris' face there is yelling and I am holding a gun up to a shadow of a man.

_"You better put a leash on your puppy."_

"I know you." My voice still hoarse.

"Yeah. You trying to tell me you have amnesia or somethin'?"

"I don't remember much. I remember who I am, what I do. But things are hazed when I try to remember what happened."

Suddenly a rush of panic goes through my entire body.

"Where is Chris?"

"Back where he belongs. Don't worry, you saved your master."

_"Piers, don't do this! We can both still make it out of here! PIERS!"_ Chris' voice rattles around in my brain.

"However, I heard from a friend that you've been determined "killed in action.""

"If I am supposed to be dead, how, why did you find me?"

"Trust me, it wasn't by choice. It's more like an accident. I was clearing the area of remaining BOWs and I went to the water front to get a drink and there you were. I thought you were a j'avo. You were butt naked, and slightly mutated. I was going to shoot you in the head, but you looked up at me. When I realized it was you, I shot you up with some of the antidote instead and patched you up. So here we are."

"Why not leave me to rot?"

"I kinda owe you. You didn't only sacrifice yourself for Chris. You did it for me and Sherry. For the world."

_"I did it for the BSSA. For the future." _My own voice echoes from somewhere.

The sound of the fire fills the air for a moment while we collect our thoughts.

"I am hungry. Have I been gone for long?"

"Long enough, I guess."

"They didn't look for me?"

"You were infected and presumed dead."

"Am I a monster?"

"Well that claw thing has disappeared and your arm looks pretty beat up, but normal. Your face is a little messed up. Other than that I don't know. I have been treating you."

"With what?"

"The antidote they made with the antibodies I provided."

I still didn't understand. My head hurt when I tried to think too hard. It hurt to try and remember. He slowly picks me up. I groan in pain and he leans me against the wall. With my good eye I look around. It's dark. The fire lit in the fireplace the only light. It was clear that the cabin was abandoned, dusty furniture, cobwebs, a couple broken windows.

Then there was him. Lean yet muscular, tall, with very short reddish blonde hair. His eyes a deep piercing blue, and a scar running down the side of his face.

"_All you jarheads look the same to me."_ It clicked.

"Jake Muller."

"Yeah. You remember." He said turning away and disappearing into the kitchen.

"Yeah. You're a jerk."

"I'm the jerk who saved your sorry ass."

"Thank you."

I was left alone to my thoughts, the smell of whatever he was cooking filling my nostrils, making my stomach growl. What the hell happened to me?

_"Oh no, Piers, what did you do?" _Chris. Where are you now?

I shut my eyes tight trying to see the past. Instead I hear footsteps. Jake returned with food. A meat cooked rare and canned string beans. The meat was gamey and seasoned with just salt and pepper. If I wasn't so hungry I might have refused it.

I was surprised when my right hand responded to my command. It still felt numb, like it was just waking from sleep. It looked relatively normal, other than dark angry looking scars. I wondered if my face looked the same.  
I scarfed down the food and gulped the water. I was practically licking the plate clean when I noticed him staring. My cheeks burned red.

"Sorry." I say meekly.

"It's cool. How ya feelin'?"

"I feel ok. In a lot of pain though."

He just nods taking a bite of the meat.

"Where's the bathroom?" I ask trying to stand, but fail and fall flat on my ass.

Jake just raises an eyebrow and tosses me an empty bottle.

"Unless you have to shit, piss in that."

"The truth is I wanted to see what I looked like, and take a shower."

"Sorry, no running water yet. Gotta wait 'til the morning. I doubt your strong enough to get around on your own though."

"Oh. How'd I get in here?"

"I carried your sorry ass."

I looked down, I was wearing a black quarter length sleeved shirt and a pair of light blue jeans. He must have dressed me in his own clothing.

"Thank you again."

"Yeah, yeah." He said taking the plate.

He returned from the kitchen and gently tossed a water bottle at me. I tried to catch it, but if fell on my lap instead.

"You should try and rest some more. We'll try to get you up and about in the morning."

I nod sadly and sort of just slide down into a laying position. I felt so helpless completely incapable of doing anything. A tear rolls down from my good eye and onto the folded up material beneath my head. I close my eyes hoping to be in that kitchen again. Just hoping to be with Chris again.  
But my mind has other plans. I dream of a skull with eyes sitting in the other wise empty sockets, large tentacles, lightening, then darkness.

"Hey. Hey. C'mon."

I feel a boot nudge my shoulder. Jake stands over me with a concerned look.

"I'm awake."

"Good."

He starts to put boots onto my feet.

"They still wet?"

I shake my head.

"Good. See if you can get up now." He says stepping back, but he stays close enough just in case he needs to catch me.

For a moment I don't move, trying to strategize how to force myself in just a sitting position. I use the leverage from my elbows and push myself up. My muscles burn and my body quakes. Finally, I push myself up to a full seated position and I have to stop.

"Not bad. But can we hurry this up? I gotta take a leak."

Very shaky, I start to stand, almost falling. With lightening speed Jake grabs me and steadies me. I use him and the wall to stand up straight.  
He carefully kicks away the blankets and materials from my feet. I take my firstly few steps still holding onto him and the wall, then I let go of the wall. My stride becoming steadier. I let go of Jake, but he still holds on to me.

"I think I got it. Thank you."

With that he lets go, but stays close.

"Good. So my friend said she'd stop by and take a look at you."

We walk outside. The sun is too bright and hurts. I end up closing my eyes and stop walking. Every sound is slightly amplified.

"You do that." Jake says coldly.

I hear his footsteps moving farther away, his fly unzip and a steady stream of urine hit the leaf carpeted floor of the forest.

"The sun is too bright, asshole. And my right eye isn't in it's best shape right now."

"Excuses."

The stream stops and a zipper zips. Footsteps coming closer. A hand on my shoulder.

"That better not be the hand your dick was in."

"Wouldn't you like to know."

My eyes open and he is smiling at me and for some reason I blush.

"C'mon little puppy."

He grabs my hand and pulls me through the woods. I can hear the water getting closer. He must have carried me a long way from where he found me. Or I drifted a long way from where I "died".

"Did you carry me for long?"

"Yeah."

He has done so much for me. Why? I can feel a certain distaste for him, but there was something about him. It was a lake with clear water.

"Salt water." I mindlessly say aloud.

"No. Fresh water." His tone correcting and mean.

"I know this is fresh water, jack ass, salt water is what I was in when you found me."

"Oh. Yeah. Like I said I carried you for a long time. I almost gave up on you a couple times."

He brings a handful of water to his face. The droplets dance down his face, a few following the path of his scar. I suddenly get the urge to follow it as well, but I kneel down and splash my face with water instead. He starts to fill the canteen.

"How are you feelin'?"

"Ok."

He nods. I start to drop my hands into the water again but I catch a glimpse of my reflection. My right eye is a ghostly pale white and the right side of my face has dark purplish scars running across it.  
Then my gaze travels to my arm, it looks a lot worse in the sun as apposed to the dim fire. I mindlessly start to strip off the strange clothes until I am fully nude. Throwing them to the side and kicking off the boots.  
The scars run from the right side of my face, to my neck, shoulder and arm. A few scars riddle my chest, side, and leg. Then I stare into the water. At the whole picture.

"I am a monster." I whisper.

Jake steps in front of me, blocking my view and places a firm grip on my shoulders sending chills and pangs of pain through my body.

"It's not that bad."

I stare at his scar. My arm raises and I trace it with my fingertip gently. He flinches slightly. Now I am mindlessly tracing it over and over with my thumb. It was perfect, beautiful, and a mystery I want to solve.

"Alright. That's enough of that." He says grabbing my hand.

I shake my thoughts.

"They get lighter with time." He says moving out of the way.

"Thank you." My voice quiet and small.

No words could really express my gratitude.

"Just get in the damn water. I seen enough of you naked for an entire lifetime."

Following his words like an order, I walk into the water. It's cold, but feels good on my skin. The scars on my body slowly start to hurt and I yelp.

"What's the matter? You ok?" Urgency and worry replace the coldness.

"They hurt."

"It'll be ok. Just wash up really quick and come back out."

The sun was high now and burned hot. I covered my genitals when I walked out of the water. The cold had really gotten to me in the worst way. Jake was gone and I began to panic.  
Before I could react, he was back with a towel and wrapped it around my waist.

"Thank you."

"I caught some rabbit for dinner, I am thinking we can have fish for lunch, and there are some wild strawberries we can have now."  
He didn't look at me while he spoke.

"Sounds good."

"Maybe I will go to the shop later and pick up more supplies now that you are up and able to move around."

"Ok."

"Sherry said she'd make it in tonight so…" He trailed off, or maybe I stopped listening.

His thin pink lips still moving but no sound came from them. His deep blue eyes pulling me in deeper into the abyss. Then my lungs feel like they are filling with water. I can't breath. Before I know it I'm on the floor convulsing.

"Piers! PIERS!" But was it Chris' voice or Jake's?

When I came to I was back in the cabin, dressed and warm. My throat burned and mouth dry.

"Here I brought more antidote. I will run tests on his blood and let you know what I find. Don't worry I won't let what happened to us happen to him. We are more than test subjects now, but they will see him and…I don't want to even think about it." It was a woman's voice.

"I don't know, Sher. I feel like he needs to be some place better, with doctors and other people. I don't know if I am really cut out for this."

"Jake, you're perfect for this. If we turn him in you know what they'll do. And if he ends up in the wrong hands who knows. I will let you know the results. Keep up the good work."

She kisses his cheek. They walk out together and I feel sick. How long was I out? Jake said she wasn't coming until nightfall. Maybe he called her in earlier because of what happened? I feel like such a burden. Jake walks back in.

"What happened?" I say.

He smiles and sits next to me.

"You spazed. Sherry said that your memories might be trying to smash through all at once. You might have a concussion and some other junk. Can't take you no where without stirring up trouble. Don't want you to become a lab rat. You know simple shit. So here we are." He smirked.

"Thank you, Jake."

He squeezes my left hand and disappeared in the kitchen. I am left to my thoughts as the smell of his cooking causes my stomach to growl.

**A/N: I do not own Resident Evil or it's characters nor do I own the song He Loves Me by Jill Scott. Please read and review. Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2: Sorry

**A/N: **Thank you all for feed back! I do appreciate the constructive criticism as well! It helps me become a better writer and inspires me to do more! Thank you all! Oh! And happy new year!

**Chapter two: Sorry**

The fire crackled and popped. It was a nice orange glow, warm, and soft. How could something so violent be so peaceful? I looked over to Jake. Over dinner he told me he was a mercenary. He briefly spoke about how he started at a young age to pay for his mother's treatments. A violent gun for hire, and yet here he was taking care of me. Cooking me dinner. Making sure I was ok. Behind his tough as nail exterior he was caring and attentive. Although he tried to play it off I could see right through it.

"What was your mother like?"

His eyes narrowed.

"Why do you wanna know," he was suspicious of something, his tone accusing.

"My mother was a free-spirit. The complete opposite of my father. He was stern and she was kind, he was serious and she was silly. He was different around her though. Instead of a stiff cold soldier, he was a warm and caring man. My father died on duty. When I told her I was enlisting she shut down. She no longer smiled, she was a shell of the woman she used to be. Soon after that she died too."

I never really spoke about my parents to anyone. Not even Chris.

"I should have stayed. I should have been there for her."

I hadn't noticed but I was crying.

"Suck it up, Soldier. It wasn't your fault."

The way he said soldier filled me with rage. I couldn't understand why it upset me as much as it did.

"How dare you call me that! You of all people!"

I was practically jumping down his throat. Our faces not even an inch apart. His face matched mine, rage ridden. My right fist filled with the collar of his shirt. My stare intense, breathing heavy. I was about two seconds from ringing his neck. His face slowly softened.

"Piers. Calm down."

I came to my senses suddenly. Why would I respond that way. My breathing calms down, features soften, but my hand won't let go.

"I-I don't know what... Why did I? I can't."

His hand gently rests on mine. Gingerly trying to pry my grip.

"It's cool," his voice quiet and calm.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I can't let go. I-I don't understand."

"It's cool," he cooed, finally releasing my grip.

I sit back down staring at my scarred hand. Jake disappears and reappears with an alcohol pad and syringe. Very carefully he rolls up my sleeve.

"This shouldn't hurt too bad," he says feeling the flesh on for a vein.

He attentively wipes my arm with the alcohol pad. He pricks the vein with the syringe and pushes the plunger down. I can feel the liquid fill me and my body shivers. He removes the needle carefully and with a cotton ball holds pressure on the puncture wound.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

"My mom was all I had. She would read to me all the time, play me piano, and I learned so much from her. When she got sick I'd be the one to read to her and played her piano. When the money ran out I had to do somethin'. My mom never knew where the money was comin' from, but she was a smart women. She was just too tired to ask. The money was never enough though. I had to take job after job, still wasn't enough and she just kept gettin' sicker. I would give her her medicine like this, then read her a chapter of a book and lull her to sleep by playin' a sonata. Everyday I did that, until I got wind of a big job worth millions. I went. It was a set-up and when I returned home. She...she had passed."

The pressure let off and was replaced with a bandage.

"I used to kiss her arm after, but don't expect that," he laughed.

I managed to crack a smile.

"I am trying to picture you playing the piano. But I can't imagine you being any good."

"I'm damn good," his smile and tone filled with arrogance.

"Mmhmm," I laugh.

His fingers mindlessly tracing one of my scars.

"It was the virus wasn't it?"

"I dunno. I told you, I'm not a scientist or a doctor."

"Can we call Chris?"

"I don't think that's a good idea."

I sigh.

"You're right."

"You feelin' better?"

"Yeah. So...where'd you get yours?"

"My what?"

"You know. Your scar. Where'd you get yours?"

"The big million dollar job. Some guy thought I wasn't worth a bullet, came at me with a knife. He cut my face open, I broke his neck."

His cellphone ringing grabs my attention.

"What's the word? Uh huh. Uh huh. Yeah he already," his voice trailed off as he walks to another room.

I sigh and walk into the kitchen. The moon's light filtered through dirty windows. Even though this place was a shit-hole I felt at home. I wanted to fix it up and make it shine, but who knows how long I'll be here. I close my eyes and I can hear the bass of Jake's voice. I concentrate and strain to hear the words.

"Yeah. I gave him a dose. How are we gonna to do that? I guess. Yeah. Yeah. See you tomorrow. Bye."

Footsteps.

I open my eyes and grab a water bottle.

"So, Sherry is gonna to come by tomorrow and give you somethin' to make the convulsions and the mood swings stop."

"Like hormones?"

He laughs.

"No. Like a bigger dose of the antidote."

"Oh. Hey, Jake, you think you can go into town and get some supplies? I'd really like to start fixing this place up."

He is confused.

"What's wrong with it?"

I smile.

"It's filthy, no electricity, no running water. If we're staying here for a while we might as well make it comfortable."

I start to explore the rest of the cabin. Just a bathroom and one bedroom, both look like someone has been murdered in them.

"One of us can sleep in here and the other will sleep on the couch instead of us both sleeping on the floor in the front room."

"But the fire is in there," he whined.

"If we get things working we won't need to have the fire on."

"Whatever. Yeah we'll get some stuff," he grumbled.

I was actually excited. Having something to look forward to made me feel normal.

"Quit smilin' like that. You're startin' to piss me off."

His voice sent one message but his blushed cheeks sent another.  
A familiar feeling of fluttering fills my stomach and I keep smiling.


	3. Chapter 3: IV

I watch from the window as Jake greets Sherry outside. She kisses him on the cheek as he pulls her in closer. I catch myself sneering at her. He helps her bring some medical equipment in and she smiles brightly at me.  
I adjust my sneer to a half-hearted smile, but unintentionally it fades fast.

"So I have some good news for you. The tests I ran say that you are in fact responding to treatment, however, we do need to increase it. That's why I brought this."

She wheels over a metal IV stand.

"I'm going to put you on a IV drip of the antidote. We'll just need to flush your veins first with saline and then I will hook up the treatment," her voice was so cheery, it made me cringe.

"Here," Jake says handing the woman a case.

"Thanks," she smiles at him.

I sit still as her small soft hands prepare my arm. The tubing is held in place by medical tape. Her big blue eyes focused, her tongue slightly sticking out from her lips in concentration. A syringe without a needle is hooked up to one of the plastic plugs. She pushes the plunger down and I get chills.

"Ok the flush is done. How are you feeling so far?"

"Is it supposed to be cold?"

"Yes," her smile, reassuring.

I look over to Jake sitting in a dusty armchair across the large living room. He was lost in thought. I am sure all of this reminded him of his mother.

"Jake, I need to plug this in so the medicine pumps. Do you guys even have electricity?"

Jake gets up and heads outside. There must be a kind of a generator. Why wouldn't he mention that before?

"We got twenty-minutes," he enters the cabin and sits back down.

"How did you manage to pull this off, Super girl," he continues as Sherry hooks my arm to the IV.

"I asked for a little assistance."

He shoots back up from his seat.

"Are you fuckin' nuts? You told someone? What the hell were you thinkin'? I thought we were supposed to be keepin' him a secret to protect him?"

He was livid.

"Jake, I couldn't just swipe all this stuff without being noticed. They keep track of it all. Not to mention security cameras."

"What if they tell someone else? Huh? What then Sherry? Jesus."

He storms out if the cabin and she rushes after him. I watch from the window. They were yelling at each other. Closing my eyes I strain to hear them.

"Jake will you calm down?"

"I am fuckin' babysittin' a grown ass man. I don't wanna be doin' it for no damn reason! I could be doin' other things!"

"They won't tell, Jake. Just trust me."

I can't hear them anymore. I open my eyes. He has her in his arms. They are no longer yelling. He brushes a lock of her blonde hair from her face and kisses her. Upset, I wheel my IV stand to the couch. I missed Chris, I had an unexplained dislike for Sherry, and I just wanted this all to be over with.  
They walked back in.

"Sorry about that, Piers. Are you still doing all right," she asked checking the bag.

"Yeah. Have you spoken with Chris?"

"Yes, I have. He was pretty upset. He did stay in the BSAA to honor you, he even keeps your patch with him."

"My patch," I whisper, straining to remember.

A blurry image of Chris' defeated face, as he aimlessly pounded his fists on glass, surfaces into my thoughts.

"Still can't remember what happened?"

"No."

"It will just take time. Just try not to force it."

"Quit tryin' to boss his life, woman."

"I am being empathetic, you oaf. Something you should try to do once in a while!"

"I'm not tryin' to hear all that. He's fine without my empathy."

After the antidote is gone and I have been unhooked and bandaged, Sherry kisses Jake goodbye. I look away. I watch as he walks her to the car. He doesn't return inside until her car is long gone.

"Is she your girlfriend or something," my tone a little harsher than I expect. It's almost bitter.

"Super girl? Nah, we've just been through a lot together is all," he laughs.

"I would like to make a list of things I'd like to get for the cabin."

He groans.

"Jeez, I get rid of one and I get stuck with another."

I start to look through the drawers in the kitchen. Every home has at least one or two junk drawers. Success. I find a notepad and pencil.  
"I'm takin' a nap," he says throwing the blanket over himself.  
I begin my list as he exaggerates his adjustments to get comfortable.

"Are you going to be able to get the water running? And possibly get that generator working properly?"

"Nappin'."

"If not we are going to have to call someone."

"Oh my god, Piers. I. Am. Tryin'. To. Nap."

"I will just write it on the list."

I liked writing lists, they helped make things feel in order. It calmed my nerves and made me feel in control. It was exactly what I needed. Things have been so messed up lately. So out of control.  
Here I was practically trapped in a dusty old cabin with a mercenary, that I am sure is wanted by the BSAA for killing our comrades, unable to see the one man I want to see, because he thinks I am dead, and writing a stupid list. I finish up, rereading it to make sure I got everything we may need down. Satisfied, I lie down on the floor next to Jake. His eyes are open.

"I thought you were napping?"

"I thought you were listin'."

"I finished."

"Good."

I smile. I am not really sure why, but I felt better talking with him, even though he was an ass.

"You really miss that Redfield guy huh?"

I was surprised by his question. Am I really that transparent? There is no way.

"Just worried about him."

"You should worry about yourself first."

He was right. I wasn't well. I should be focusing on getting better.

"Who knows, he might not be even thinkin' about you," he says rolling over.

He has to be. After the times we've spent together, and the way I left him thinking I am dead, if I know him like I think I do, he hasn't been able to stop thinking about me.

"You're wrong. You don't know Chris. I am sure he is, in his own way, looking for me, thinking of me."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Cupcake."

"You better get your nap in now, Muller. I am putting you to work later."

"Ha," he rolls back over to face me.

"You are somethin' else," he continues, his signature arrogant smile across his lips.

I smile back. Those fluttery feelings welling up again. We fall asleep like that. When I wake up Jake is gone.

My stomach growls. Wandering, in the kitchen, I mindlessly open the fridge. No electricity, no way to really store food. Nothing but canned vegetables and noodles in the cabinet, but no running water. I didn't feel comfortable going into the woods by myself in the state I am in. I decide to slink back into the living room and stoke the fire. It was roughly around four in the evening judging by the position of the sun.

I start to day dream.

_My finger is tracing circles on his big bare chest. His muscular arm around me and I feel safe. The smell of tobacco and his cologne fills my nostrils as I breathe him in. I look up into his blue eyes, crows feet wrinkles at the corners appear when he smiles brightly at me._

_"What," the bass of his voice send goosebumps across my skin._

_"Just admiring the view," I say placing a quick kiss on his stubble covered jawline. _

_He maneuvers on top of me and places my legs on his shoulders._

_"Again? For a man your age, you sure have a lot of stamina," I laugh._

_"You bring out the best in me. What can I say?"_

_He gently slides in, the lubricant from earlier easing the friction. My hands grip at the sheets as he rolls his hips into mine. He finds a slow rhythm. I close my eyes in ecstasy. He is making love to me and it feels phenomenal. Our moans and slapping flesh, sweat and sweet kisses he places on my calves, him inside of me, all of these things made my head swirl._

_He begins to pick up speed. The strokes of his hips no longer slow and sensual, but fast and rough. It was no longer love making, I was being fucked. I open my eyes. It wasn't his strong broad shoulders my legs rested upon, but strong slender shoulders. A different pair of blue eyes stares back at me. Instead of crow's feet, a scar. I bit my lip and watched intently as Jake fucked me. Marveled in how smooth and creamy his skin looked. _

_"You like that don't cha'?"_

_"Mmm yes," I whimper out._

_Pain and pleasure combining in the most intoxicating manner.  
Faster and harder until I climax. His hips still moving, until there is no rhythm and he cums inside me. Sweat dripping down following the path of his scar._

_He licks his lips and pulls out. Sort of just rolling over, he cleans himself with a rag from the nightstand. Once he's done he just throws it at me.  
Not a word is spoken, his body language cold. I try to cuddle into him but he refuses. I lie there feeling used and dirty. My heart yearning for the intimacy I get with Chris, but he isn't there._

_I_ am shaken out of my day dream by the sound of the door.

"Hey come help me bring this shit in," Jake calls from the doorway.

"Yeah, ok. Just give me a second," I say covering my erection with a throw pillow.

"I'm not even gonna ask," he says walking back outside.


	4. Chapter 4: Numb

Well hell if I should decide to give it more.

A little effort.

Well hell if I'm tempted again.

What little fight replaced by lust for you.

I'll ask my curious side to follow you to a bed of angels.

Can't help this wandering eye.

Well lucky you, the devil made you look. . .

_Piñata, Chevelle_

We bring the last bag in.

"I got everythin' on your stupid list and a couple extra things," he says watching me pull items out of bags.

"Oh! I gottcha somethin'," he says rummaging through his pockets.

"Catch," he says throwing something over.

I try, but fail. I pick up it up and examine it. A black eyepatch. A grim but thoughtful gift.

"Thanks," I say pulling it over my right eye.

He just continues gathering tools.

"I'll be back. I'm gonna try to fix the shit outside," he walks back out, leaving me alone to work on the inside.

I get straight to work in the kitchen. I can hear Jake outside cursing away at the generator. I can't help but laugh. I scrub the kitchen until its immaculate and move on to the bathroom, then the bedroom, and lastly the front room.

"Piers! Try a lamp or somethin'," Jake peeks his head in the door.

I turn a switch and the lightbulb pops, startling me.

"Move," he says pushing me aside.

He switches out the lightbulb and tries again. This time it goes on.

"Fuckin' finally. I'm takin' a damn break," he says plopping down on the sofa.

I walk in the kitchen and toss a water bottle to him which he catches with one hand.

"Good job."

"Damn right good job. I busted my ass out there! It actually kinda looks

decent in here."

"Thanks."

"So, I'm gonna go try out the bed."

He started to get up, but I blocked the doorway. He snarls.

"Outta the way," he growled.

"I'm worrying about my health. I'll take the bed. You take the couch."

He shakes his head, throws his hands up, laughs, and walks back to the couch.

"All right," he says making himself comfortable.

I walk to my new bedroom with a triumphant smile. The new sheets and covers smelled like plastic, but i snuggle into them. The comfort of the well used mattress against my aching body was surely an upgrade from the floor.

With ease, I drift off. I start to hear two bass lines of two male voices. Not sure if I am dreaming, I try and ignore them. The voices are clearly upset and arguing.

"He is mine," hissed one voice, and I jump up in a cold sweat.

I look around, it's dark and no one is here. With a sigh, I throw off the covers and putter to the kitchen.

"What are you doin'," Jake calls from the sofa.

"Getting water. I thought you'd be sleeping," I say, walking into the front room.

His eyes were still closed.

"I am a very light sleeper."

"Makes sense. Sorry to disturb you."

He stays quiet, so I start to leave.

"I'll work on the water in the morning," he calls.

"Ok," I answer, and go back to my room.

The sun shines through the thin curtains and shakes me from my slumber. No nightmares. I check this off as a good night sleep and stretch. I take a deep breath and smell coffee brewing. I get up and walk into the kitchen to find Jake brewing coffee on the stove top.

"Morning," I say, scratching my head.

"Mornin'. You want some coffee," he asks not turning around.

"Yeah. Smells good. I never asked, it's a wood stove?"

"Yeah, it's kinda neat."

"The bedroom has a fireplace as well, guess gas isn't needed."

He shrugs.

I grab a mug from a cabinet and sit at the table. He pours himself the first cup and pours the remaining liquid into my mug. The steam dances with the aroma into the air, calling me to take a sip. Instead of greedily sipping the scolding drink, I bring the mug to my lips and blow. Strong black coffee was one of Chris' favorite things to have. My emotions switch from being content to sad. My change in facial expression must be apparent.

"Tough, if you wanted cream or sugar. This is the only way I drink it," Jake breaks the silence and my concentration.

"No. It's fine, I was just thinking about someone."

"About Chris," he scoffs.

"You don't know him."

He nods and walks outside.

I sigh and sip my coffee.

"Come out here and help me will ya," he screams through the kitchen window.

There was a water pump behind the cabin with a facet and handle.

"I guess this is what we have to use," he says starting to pump the handle.

"You didn't notice it?"

"Nah. If I did I'd still ignore it. The lake is better than this when treated. Go check the shed for a hose."

I follow his order.

The shed is filled with extra firewood and rusty old tools. I rummaged around and find a thick hose. I drag it back to Jake, who is examining a facet on the cabin. He scratches his head, perplexed.

"Hook that up to the pump and bring it back here."

I nod and do just that.

"All right. Let's see if it was just that simple."

We return into the cabin and he turns on the kitchen sink. The water spurts out brown for a couple minutes then runs clear.

"Hell yeah," he exclaims, smiling at me.

I smile back. He disappears into the bathroom.

"Well shit, that was easy," he laughs, returning.

His phone rings and he walks outside to talk. I frown and plop down on the sofa. I felt useless again. I could see him from the window, he was smiling. My stomach does flips. I sigh. I am unsure if making any advances is wise.

He seems like the type to shut down and walk away, or kick my ass. Besides, he seems pretty interested in Sherry. More and more I just want to return to Chris' big, strong, supportive arms.

He comes back in and goes into the bathroom and shuts the door. I hear the shower kick on. Twenty minutes later he walks out in nothing but a towel. I almost swoon.

"So, uh, Sherry is gonna come by and uh, we are going to use the bed."

My heart sinks and I feel anger welling up.

"I thought we established the bed was mine."

"Well you're wrong."

He grabs some clothes and goes back into the bathroom.

I just sit there marinating in my own anger. I felt so stuck, there was no where for me to go, no one for me to turn to. The fact that I started to feel something for him makes me scold my judgment. I couldn't really tell if my anger stemmed from jealousy or the fact that the asshole is going to be fucking some woman in my bed. Sherry's car pulls up and she prances into the cabin.

"Hi, Piers. How are you feeling," she smiles.

Words don't form. I end up storming out. She calls after me, but does not follow. I end up somewhere in the woods, and I curse myself for being so vulnerable. My vision is hindered and I rip off the eyepatch, but there is no change. Frustrated and full of rage, I scream. Birds fly away from there home as I collapse to my knees.

"Hey, you can't be runnin' off like that, dummy."

"Stop calling me those names! You fucking know my name. Call me that, you arrogant ass!"

"Woah, ok. Just come back. You can't be out here like this."

"Why? I am a deadman. No one is looking for me."

"Regardless, we don't know who or what is out here and you aren't exactly in the position to protect yourself. So, get your ass up and let's go," he says trying to pull me up.

I yank back and he falls. We start to fight. Very quickly he manages to strong arm me. We are face to face, breathing heavy. Quiet. Staring into each others eyes. He suddenly places his lips onto mine and we violently kiss. Teeth clash, I bite his lip and draw blood, and he moans. I can feel his erection brush up against my hip and my own hardness throbs.

He pulls away and harshly, yanks me up. He practically drags me back to the cabin and toss me on the couch.

"Don't you ever run off on your own again! Do you understand me," he yells.

I just nod and stare blankly at his bleeding lip. I helplessly watch as he snatches up Sherry's hand and slams the bedroom door. I am forced to listen to the squeaking of the mattress and Sherry's moaning.

I just sit there, numb.


	5. Chapter 5: Lust

It's almost like your breaking my piñata

while I'm hinting at my lust for you.

I'll ask my curious side

to follow you to a bed of angels.

Can't help this wandering eye.

Well lucky you the devil made

you look too far in the abyss.

No bed of angels.

Mystified, defines it best.

The devil made you look. . .

_Piñata, Chevelle_

I awake on the couch to the sound arguing. Sherry rushes into the front room and I pretend to sleep. Through slit eyelids, I watch her snatch up her purse, tears streaming from her big blue eyes.

"Yeah. That's right go ahead and run. What are you good for anyway," Jake yells at her, as

she storms out and slams the door.

My eyes open and I sit up.

"What was that about," I say, pretending that my slumber was interrupted.

"Mind your damn business," he says, just before he turns and heads back into the bedroom.

"That's it," I exclaim, getting up from the couch.

The bedroom door is still open. Cautiously, I peek in. Jake is on his side, back towards the door. The room was in disarray, understandably so, due to the ruckus I heard last night. The air still reeked of sex. He was in black Jockey's, and nothing else, but I was too upset to react to his perfected body.

"You're going to take those sheets down to the lake and you're going to wash them," my voice stern and demanding.

He rolls over and looks at me blankly. I glare back. No way I was letting this slide, especially after what happened in the woods. His brows furrow as I make my way to the bed.

"Now, Muller!"

He pulls me on top of him and smiles. I try to fight back, but he flips us over and restrains my hands. I struggle against his weight, and curse myself for not being able to fight back.

"What do you think you're doing," I yell.

He starts to kiss my neck. I try to free myself again, but he just holds on tighter. I can smell Sherry's perfume on him. I feel sick, but oddly aroused. He ran one of his hands down my body and yanked my underwear off. This should stop here, but he is already slipping a condom over his hard cock. His spits on his hand and rubs it over my asshole.

"W-why are you doing this?"

"Shut up," he says, sliding himself in.

I hiss at the pain, but he begins to move his hips anyway. My legs over his shoulders. One of his hands still wrapped tightly around my wrists, the other on my calf.

I lose my inhibition in the sea of lust. He pulls out, and flips me over so that I am on my hands and knees. He slips back inside, and slams his hips into my ass. I yelp, but he keeps going. I buck back into him. It's rough, angry sex, and its so goddamn pleasurable. His hands gripping tightly on my waist. my hands tightly gripping the soiled sheets.

I start to stroke my length to the rhythms of his hips, on the brink of orgasm. He leans in closer, and bites my shoulder. The pain is so pleasurable. I finally ejaculate, and a feeling of complete elation fills me. Jake's motions become sporadic and I feel his release fill me up. He pulls out and crashes to the bed. I lie down on my back, trying to catch my breath.

The haze of lust finally clears my mind, and now the reality of the situation confronts me.

I get up from the bed, go into the bathroom, and slam the door. I start the water in the shower and strip. I picture Jake fucking Sherry, then I imagine Chris, and my stomach turns. I feel dirty and shameful. What did I just do? How could I do this to Chris? And Sherry has been nothing but nice to me, how could I do this to her?

Filled with emotion, I end up breaking down. I feel as if I had betrayed Chris. No amount of soap or scrubbing could make me feel clean, no matter how hard I try.

After I get out of the shower, and get dressed, I walk into the front room and look out the window. Jake hangs the sheets from a string he tied between two tree limbs. He walks back into the cabin and tosses something over to me. I pick it up from the floor. It was my eyepatch.

"I found it and washed it up," he said, sitting on the couch.

My anguish melts away as I sigh.

"Why," is all I can mutter.

"'Cause I went outta my way to get you that damn thing."

I shake my head. It wasn't what I was asking. I couldn't understand why he pulled me on top of him, why he fucked me.

"Was Sherry not satisfying enough for you," I speak up, anger and disgusts boiling within.

"Why must you always say things to piss me off," he says, getting up from the couch.

"Why," I exclaim.

"I don't know. Maybe it's being trapped in here with you 24 fuckin' 7. I'm goin' crazy or somethin'!"

That was it? That was his reasoning? I am beginning to believe Jake Muller is a sociopath.

"So what if you're in here with me 24/7? You had Sherry."

"Yeah. Well, I was thinkin' about you when I was fuckin' her."

My heart stops. His confession, was it trustworthy or tainted? I couldn't tell. His intense blue eyes staring coldly, it felt like his gaze was cutting through me. Sociopaths are masters of deception. He slowly makes his way to me, arms snaking around my waist, closing the gap between us. I am unable to move, something keeping me in his grasp. My heart is pounding rampant.

"I don't know what it is about you," Jake's voice low and raspy.

His lips now grazing the skin of my neck, sending shivers through my entire being. I must shake myself out of this haze. His touch and words make my walls crumble when all I want is to hide behind them. He grabs my hand and leads me to the bedroom.


	6. Chapter 6: Flood

We spent the night enthralled by lust and skin. I awake in Jake's arms, his eyes open. Was he watching me sleep?

"Hey," he whispers.

A small smile graces my lips and his lips grace mine. The moment is interrupted by a heavy pounding on the door. Jake shoots up and puts his clothes on.

"Stay here, and keep real quiet," he says, cocking his gun.

Another loud banging.

"Who is it," Jake calls out, voice sounding husky.

The door opens.

"Where is he," another male voice, sounding hasty and aggravated.

"I don't know what you're talkin' about."

"Goddamn it, Muller, where is he."

I hold my breath and my heart pounds, cheeks burn hot, sweat breaks out. I feverishly put on some clothes. When I reach the front room my heart stops. Chris has Jake by his shirt collar.

"C-captain," my voice sounded weak, just as weak as my knees felt.

Chris shoves Jake away and rushes to me.

"You shouldn't be here, old man," Jake calls out, but his words are ignored.

Chris is checking me over. Instinctively, I did the same to him. He was dressed in casual attire, which meant he was here on personal terms and not those of the BSAA. His eyes appeared more tired than usual.

"You're ok," Chris asks.

I nod.

The older man smiles, then engulfs me in his great big arms and holds me tight. Something comes over me that I can't explain and I begin to sob. Perhaps it was rapture.

"You're puttin' him in more danger by bein' here, Chris," Jake yells.

"No. I won't let anything else happen to him."

It all felt so surreal I was waiting to wake up from a dream, waiting to snap out of my fantasy. Chris was here, finally here, but something kept gnawing at me. This unexplainable feeling. Anxiety tying knots in the pits of my stomach.

"Get your things," Chris orders me.

"He is fine here, or was fine here, I should say," Jake snaps back.

Chris lets me go and faces Jake.

"Thank you for taking care of him."

He extends his hand, but Jake knocks it away.

"You're diggin' him a shallow grave. If you take him back they'll just treat him like a monster. Like a creature to experiment on."

I just stood there quiet as the two men argued who I'd be safer with.

"I won't let that happen!"

"How did you find me here," meekly, I speak up.

"Leon informed me you were alive and being treated. Sherry told me where you were being held. Are you sure you're ok? Has he hurt you?"

"You think I was just holdin' him here like some kinda hostage? I am not my father, Redfield. I just happened to pick up the pieces where you failed to."

"Stop it, both of you," I shout.

"Just give me a minute to think," I continue as I sit down on the couch.

Chris nods, as Jake throws his hands up and turns his back on us. I have no recollection of what happened to me. Here are two men fighting over who can protect me better. I love Chris, but these feelings I have for Jake are strong too. Could Jake be right about being turned into an experiment? Or could Chris really protect me even though he is so deeply connected to the very people that would subject me to that?

Damn it, if I wasn't so broken I could just be. Not have to choose. I look up at the two men. Jake Muller, he's a stubborn asshole, but he has protected me for this long. Behind his tough exterior he is thoughtful and caring. He let me see a side of him that I am sure not many people have the chance to see. I will forever be indebted to him.

Then there was Chris Redfield, the man I have always looked up to. A strong and compassionate leader. A tender lover. He has so much wisdom, but like every warrior he has so much pain. A pain so deeply rooted it's hard to reach him sometimes.

Jakes shoulders tense.

"You were followed," he says, glaring at Chris.

A black Hummer pull up along Chris' white Hummer.

"They shouldn't know I am here."

Worry takes over Chris' face.

"Jake get Piers out of here. I will handle this."

Chris' stance changes, as he finally regains his senses.

Yes, the man standing here is my captain. The legendary Chris Redfield I had always admired, he was no longer the broken man I found in the that shit-hole bar. I felt at ease, as Jake snatched my hand and pulled me to the back door. I took a glance back at Chris, and he smiles reassuringly at me before turning his attention to the front door. There was something eerily familiar about this situation.

As Jake yanks me through the forest, memories start to flood into my head; China, Jake and Sherry, Haos, Chris, my arm, the C-Virus, the escape pod. That was it. The assuring smile I gave Chris as I sent the pod to safety. The memories all hit me at once, and my feet begin to drag. I can feel my body going limp.

"Don't do this to me now," he says, throwing me onto his shoulders. His strong, yet slender shoulders.

Then blackness over takes me like the cold dark Chinese waters. I find myself sinking. Tiny bubbles brushing pass my bare skin. Cold and darkness surround me. Something is swimming towards me. I try to focus on this small silver dot getting larger with each passing second. I feel panic. Whatever this thing was is swimming fast. I turn myself around and start paddling my feet. I swim as hard as I can, but I feel whatever it is close on my heels. I am swimming upward, but there is no light from the surface to guide me. My muscles begin to burn with fatigue.

I look down to see Haos' giant mouth open, ready to swallow me whole.


	7. Chapter 7: Open Book

I shoot up from my nightmare to find Jake leaning against a wall eating a red apple. He is looking out of a window. A blinking neon light illuminating his sharp features.

"Sorry," I speak up from my spot on the new bed.

"I should have left you there. I should have let Chris take on his responsibility."

I am shocked. After what happened between us I was surprised to hear him talk about me this way. Either I was still in a nightmare or he is a complete sociopath. He finishes his apple and tosses the core into a waste basket across the room. It was different from our quaint cabin. This place had electricity and was much cleaner. It smelled of fresh linens, instead of damp wood and fire. The walls were painted a warm coral color, and the couch was covered in beige suede. It looked like a nice motel room.

"Where are we," I ask, choosing to ignore his previous statement.

"I put us up for the night, but tomorrow we gotta move."

"Where?"

"I'm not sure right now. We can't trust anyone at this point."

He was right. Sherry had already given up our location and information not once, but twice. Not to mention the black Hummer.

"Has Sherry tried reaching you?"

"Yeah, but I ditched the phone and got another from the store down the street."

"I don't think she meant any harm by it."

"I am sure she ratted us out to Chris out of spite."

I don't think Sherry was that type of person, but Jake was too stubborn and I didn't feel like fighting.

"I remembered."

"So that's why you ended up takin' a nap on me."

He sits down next to me.

"I don't understand how I survived. I could feel myself giving into the virus."

He just shrugs.

I place my face in my hands. Jake had put my eyepatch on. I look up.

"Thank you. I thought it might have gotten left behind."

"I told you I went outta my way to get that thing."

I manage a smile, despite all that happened. Then I remember that reassuring smile. I hope Chris is ok.

"I am sure the big guy is fine."

Jake must be able to read me like a book.

I nod, assured that he is. Chris is a very resourceful man.

"I need to be able to protect myself again. I am tired of being helpless."

"I don't know if you're ready. You black out and still are very weak. You need more time to gain more strength."

The look on his face is actually sympathetic. Lights from a car turning into the parking lot make Jake jump from the bed. He cautiously peers out the window.

"What the hell?"

I turn off the TV and keep quiet.

A knock on our door.

"This selfish idiot."

Then I knew it was Chris. Jake opens the the door.

"Are you trying to get him caught?"

"Relax, the coast is clear. I told them I was vacationing and that was my cabin."

"How the hell did you track us," Jake exclaims, shutting the door.

I fight the urge to jump into Chris' arms.

"I started to follow your tracks. Sloppy job for a Merc by the way. When I started to see one pair of tracks I knew you had to carry Piers. Then I knew you couldn't have traveled too far. May Piers and I have some time alone?"

"No way, Redfield. I am not letting him out of my sight," Jake's eyes narrow.

"All right, fine."

With that Chris sits in the bed and wraps his arms around me. He brings his face closer to mine. Our lips meet and we begin to make out softly. This just feels so right. His hand rests gently beneath my chin. His facial hair feeling a little harsh on my skin.

"Ok. I can't sit here and watch this," Jake says, slamming the door.

I relish in the fact of being in Chris' arms again.

"I am sorry I wasn't there," he whispers into my ear.

"I don't blame you for anything, Cap'n."

"I never want to let you go again. I just want you to know I never stopped searching for you."

"And what if you never found me?"

"Then I'd never rest, never have closure."

His arms and words make my heart pound, cheeks flush, and head light. I loved him and he loved me. We didn't have to say it, we just knew.

"I think it'd be ok for you two to head back to the cabin. No one should bother you."

"Are you going to stay?"

"For as long as I can."

I bury my face in his chest. I breathe him in. The scent of after-shave and tobacco. A calmness fills me. In this moment I am happy, but something in the back of my mind won't let me be. These thoughts of Jake and I come rushing full force. Then guilt strikes.

"Chris, there is something I should tell you."

I pull away from his chest and take hold of his hand. He looks at me with deep concern. I run my thumb up and down his calloused palm, trying to find my words. Or maybe I was trying to find my courage to tell him about my betrayal.

"Jake and I. . . We, um, we had. . . Sex."

The words fall clumsy from my lips and hang in the air. It hurt to say it, hurt to look Chris in his eyes. His concern turns to sadness, then understanding.

"I understand. It's ok."

The tension I built up in myself slowly melts away. He truly did understand why it happened, but I wasn't sure why. Then all these questions start to pop up. I know Jake gave me an answer, but I questioned it authenticity. Was he being sincere?

"Look, Piers, it's in the past now. I am here."

Chris scoops me back into his arms and kisses my forehead. I nuzzle into his neck and drift off.

"You can't take care of him like you want, old man."

"I know."

"He is safe with me. Him and I are the same, and you're too involved with the BSAA and bioterrorism."

"I know. I just can't bring myself to let him go again."

"You selfish son-of-a-bitch."

"What's in it for you, huh, Muller? That's what I am trying to understand."

"To be honest, I was gonna turn him in for a hefty fee of course, but there is something about him. It stopped me. All I wanna do is protect him."

"Is that the same something that made you throw yourself on him?"

"No. I happened to remember you guys doin' me a solid back in China. I didn't want to return him in the way I found him. I can't explain what it is. Oh, and by the way, he wanted me too."

I feel Chris' muscles tense. I grip Chris' hand. He relaxes.

"Only because I wasn't there, Muller."

"You keep tellin' yourself that."

"Stop," I say, sitting up.

"Sorry," Chris gently caresses my hand.

"You know you can't stay," Jake sneered.

I start to believe he was jealous.

"I know. I will visit you as much as possible, fix things on my end. Maybe you can return."

"Maybe. I will look forward to your visits," my voice sad and low.

He holds me tight and kisses me deeply. Jake scoffs and holds the door open for Chris.

"See you soon, Kid," Chris winks, and leaves.

Jake slams the door behind him and sits next to me.

"You gonna go brush your teeth? I don't wanna kiss you after that gorilla."

"You didn't wash up after Tinkerbell."

"Oh, touché. I guess I will stick it out," he leans over and kisses me.

This kiss was different from the other ones. It was passionate and gentle.

"Who the hell is Tinkerbell," he laughs.

"Forget it."

"I mean, I know you meant Sherry, but I don't get it."

"Forget it," I laugh.

Outside I appear fine, but I am conflicted. I had Jake, and now Chris is back. I couldn't possibly keep both. It wouldn't be fair. I needed to set boundaries.

"I don't think I will be able to give you up, Nivans," Jake whispers.

"I don't know if I can believe that."

"Believe what you want," he shrugs.

I was so easy for him to read, but I couldn't figure him out.


	8. Chapter 8: Complications

The next morning Chris picks us up and takes us back to the cabin.

"All right, thank you. That will do now. Good bye," Jake says, trying to shut the door on Chris.

With ease, Chris pushes the door and Jake aside.

"Ok. Come on in," Jake says, shutting the door.

He tilts his head back and forth, cracking his neck. Then he starts to crack his knuckles.

"Jake, stop," I say, through a smile.

His stance changes and he plops down on the couch.

"Thank you."

"You're not going to show me around," Chris asks, looking at me with a suggestive smile.

"Uh, sure," I say, as I lead him into the kitchen.

"That's nice, but I am more interested in a different room," Chris grabs my hand and heads to the bedroom.

The door closes and I am placed on the bed. In between kisses, he starts gently taking my clothes off, and I slowly strip him of his.

"Do you have any lube," his voice breathy.

"I'm not sure."

He starts to rummage around in the nightstand.

"Aha," he exclaims, holding up a small jar of Vaseline.

He holds my legs up and applies the jelly to my anus, then slathers some onto his erection. I feel the head of his penis on my entrance.

"Are you ready?"

I bite my lip, and nod.

Taking a deep breath as he slides into me, I try to relax the tight muscles.

He pauses.

"Are you ok?"

I nod again.

He starts moving his hips in a slow rocking motion. His big hard cock sliding in and out of me, going deeper each time. I moan in ecstasy. He rolls me over on my side, so we are spooning. The rhythm from his hips not changing. The deeper inside me he goes, the more I moan. He kisses my neck, and starts stroking my cock.

"Oh shit, Chris" I whisper.

His hips move a little faster.

"Chris."

I can feel my orgasm building up. He pushes deeper, and I ejaculate. I slide myself off and push him on his back. I start to stroke him. Then lowering my mouth to his hard dick, I work my tongue from the head to the base and back again. Until the bittersweet secretion explodes into my mouth.

He grabs me from under my arms and pulls me on top of him. Then he places a chaste kiss on my forehead. I rest my head on his chest, moist with beads of sweat. Both of us still panting, mouths parched.

All of this feels so right, this is where I belong. The tryst with Jake was completely just animalistic, what I have with Chris has substance.

"I'm going to get us some water," I smile, standing up.

A little wobbly, I slip on my pants. My legs were still shaky, but I pressed on into the kitchen. Something was nagging at me in the back of my mind. Grabbing two water bottles, I nonchalantly peek in the front room.

Did Jake sit there and endure the sounds of Chris and I, like I was forced to listen to him and Sherry?

I look around. Jake sat motionless on the couch, just where we left him. His eyes fixed on something, wringing his hands. His breathing harsh, body language tense. I quickly rush back to the bedroom before he notices me there. I quietly shut the door and lean against it, feeling this heaviness in my chest.

"Everything ok," Chris asks, leaning up on his elbows.

I smile and sit next to him.

"Yeah, still trying to grasp that you're really here," I say, handing him a water bottle.

"You better get used to it again, Soldier," he jokes, taking a swig of the clear liquid.

My body tenses, waiting to lash out like before. It doesn't happen. No anger builds up, no sudden urge to tear out his throat, just the heaviness in my chest.

"Piers, is something wrong?"

"I. . .um. I-I don't know."

"It's ok. You're going through a lot right now. I shouldn't have complicated things like I did," he says, trying to calm me.

Chris starts dressing slowly. I blankly stare at the wall.

"I am going to head out. I'll come back to check on you tomorrow," he gives me a sweet kiss on the cheek before leaving the room.

I become nervous. What if Jake attacks him? I rush out, Chris had left, and Jake still hadn't moved. I stood still, not ready to face Jake. He turns around. We make eye contact. I quickly run to the bathroom and shut the door. Another shower, more scrubbing, more guilt. When I get out, Jake is putting the clean sheets over the mattress. His back towards me.

I swallow hard, palms sweaty, stomach in knots.

If I came to the conclusion of Chris, why was I this nervous about Jake? If I knew I was meant for Chris, why was the thought of hurting Jake hurting me? The feeling in the pit on my stomach makes me cower to the front room. I need fresh air. Quietly, I open the door and step out. The night air was cool. Crickets chirped and the leaves rustled in the crisp breeze. I take a deep breath and close my eyes.

"Hey, what I tell you about walkin' outside by yourself," I hear Jake behind me.

I open my eyes and turn around.

"I needed some fresh air. I wasn't going to wonder off," I almost whisper, my cheeks burning hot.

I felt my stomach twist up and I began to sweat. He turns around and shuts the door. I let out a sigh, feeling the knots loosen, my cheeks cooling, the brisk air drying the beads of sweat. I consider sleeping outside, but go back in. Jake is laying on his side, back towards the door. I get in bed next to him, trying not to disturb him.

He rolls over and looks me in the eyes. Those feeling rush through me again and I swallow hard. He closes his eyes. I assume he falls a sleep. I lie awake, unable to shake the feelings, unable to quiet the nagging in my mind.


	9. Chapter 9: Harder

When I awake, Jake is no where to be found. I walk out the cabin to find him cleaning his guns.

"Hey," I say, grabbing his attention.

"Come here," he says, not even looking at me.

I come closer and he hands me his Nine-Oh-Nine handgun. It's loaded and the safety is on.

"I am gonna teach you to shoot," he says, standing up from his crouched position.

"I think I know how to shoot," I laugh.

"You have one good eye. Your shot is gonna be off."

"I think I know how to compensate for that."

"Ok then, smart-ass. Let's see. Shoot that big ass knot in the tree," he points to a tree three yards from us.

I turn the safety off, take a deep breath and aim. Releasing my breath, I squeeze the trigger. The kick back from the gun jerks my arms a bit. I click the safety back on. Jake walks to the tree and examines it for a minute.

He laughs.

"Get over here," he calls me over.

I know I didn't hit the target.

"You're way off. Come on, puppy, you can do better than that," he lightly punches my shoulder.

Both of us back into position, I repeat the steps, but this time make a few adjustments.

The gun fires.

He walks to the tree.

"Not bad. Let's keep trying until you hit the actual target," he jogs back to place.

I sigh.

This would have been easy, had it not been for my right eye. I steady my hands once more, inhale, exhale, and squeeze. This time I can feel it. My shot hit its mark.

"Hell yeah," Jake exclaims, jogging back from the tree.

I turn the safety back on and return his gun.

"Thanks," I smile.

"Shut up," he playfully pushes me.

"Jake. . ."

Anxiety wells up within.

"What?"

"Why do you want me?"

I chicken out from saying what I want, instead I ask him;

"Will you show me some hand-to-hand?"

This was a bad idea. I'm not ready for hand-to-hand, and I was unsure if Jake was the right person to learn from. We begin to spar. My counters are slow and I am unable to block any of his attacks. I start to feel frustrated.

"You keep attacking my weak side. It isn't fair," I huff.

"You think the enemy is gonna play nice? Oh, the kid can't see from this side. Lemme go ahead and hit here," he mocks, taking a swift kick to my left side.

The impact makes a sickening thud. I feel a lump in my throat and the air leaves my lungs. I hunch over in pain and he quickly slams me to the ground. My lungs start to burn and I struggle to breathe.

"Get up. Your opponent will take whatever opportunity to take you out," he taunts.

This was it. The pay back from the night before. I cough, finally able to catch my breath. I struggle to stand, but he does not wait until I am on my feet to strike again.

"C'mon," he picks me up from the collar of my shirt.

I try to fight back by throwing a punch, but he catches my fist. I try to knee him, but he flips me around, holding my arm behind me. It's like I have forgotten all of my training. My attacks are no longer strategized, but out of frustration and anger. Each attempt is met by a counter. I am wasting energy and punching air.

"What are you doin'? Are you even tryin'," he mocks.

He knocks me down again. I give up and stay down. He's too strong. He is too fast. I am useless.

"Get up," he yells.

I don't move.

"Get up," he yells louder.

I stay still. My body aches. My mind in worse shape.

_"You might as well have died in the ocean. What good are you now," _the words echo in my head.

He kicks me in the ribs again, and I yelp like the dog I am. I roll over and curl up in the fetal position.

He sighs.

"How are you gonna get any better if you give up," he crouches next to me.

"Did you have to be so hard on me," it hurt to speak.

"Whoever you're gonna fight isn't gonna take it easy on you. They are gonna take your weakness and use it as an advantage. They won't be tryin' to hurt you, they'll be tryin' to kill you."

I wonder if this was how he was trained. I imagine a young Jake Muller, who hasn't one clue about fighting, getting his ass kicked by a hardened mercenary. He must have been thinking of his mother.

I roll on to my back and look him in the eyes.

"If you say you're sorry, I swear I will kick you more," he growls.

"I'm sorry," I smirk.

He stands up, and I brace myself for the impact of his boot. Instead he picks me up and helps me inside. He lays me on the couch.

"You're lucky I got a soft spot for you, Puppy."

I watch as he sits down in the arm chair next to me.

"Is that so," I tease.

"Trust me, you wouldn't be here if I didn't."

"Oh really? I thought you were going to use me to make a couple bucks."

"Pssh, who would pay for you," he smiles.

I almost let Chris' name slip, but decide its best to remain quiet.

"Right, your captain," he says, his tone and body language quickly changes.

My heart sinks. I try to speak, but he walks away. I hear him in the kitchen as he begins to cook. My body to hurt to move to even look in there.

"Hey, I brought you guys some stuff," Chris says, walking in with bags in his great big arms.

I smile at him. His facial expression changes, and he drops the bags. Chris storms into the kitchen. Despite my pain I rush after him. Jake and Chris are at each others throats.

"What did you do to him," Chris screams.

"Mind your business, old man," Jake retorts.

Jake is just as strong and twice as fast as Chris, but Chris keeps up. One of his punches landing on Jake's face, as one of Jake's lands on Chris' eye.

"Stop it," I scream at the top of my lungs.

They stop.

"What are you trying to prove," I ask them both.

They stand there unable to answer.

"If you kill each other what good would that do? Huh," I continue.

"What did he do to you," Chris finally speaks up.

"He was training me," I shake my head, and walk pass them both to go to the bedroom.

What the hell am I doing? How can I handle both of these men? They're both as stubborn as mules, and have tempers like that of a bull. I can hear them in the other room, quietly bickering at one another.

"Why would you be so rough with him," Chris yells in a whisper.

"Are you bein' serious right now," Jake says, his voice at a normal frequency.

"Yes. Training is one thing, but did you actually have to hurt him?"

"You want him to be able to defend himself or not."

I hear Jake continue his cooking.

"Of course I do, but there are other ways."

Chris appears in the doorway. He sits in the bed.

"Sorry. You know how I get," he says, lightly touching my face.

I hiss as his fingers graze a bruise.

"He didn't have to actually hit you," his face is filled with concern.

"It's fine. Really. How else will I learn? I can't have someone holding my hand," I shrug.

He nods sadly.

The delightful smell dancing from the kitchen reaches my nostrils and my stomach growls.

"Don't tell me he's starving you too," Chris jokes.

I smile.

"No. He allows me bread and water."

"You gotta go. I am only cookin' for Piers, and after the shit you pulled, I don't think it's a good idea for you to stick around," Jake stands in the doorway with his arms crossed.

His cheekbone is visibly swollen and bruised. I look at Chris, underneath his eye is blackened.

"Go home and put some ice on that," I gently stroke the side of his face.

He kisses me.

"I'll be back later."

I watch as Chris leaves and I want to curl up in a ball. All I wanted was to go home with him.

"Come eat," Jake calls.

I mindlessly make my way to the kitchen table and sit down. A plate is placed in front of me. Steak and a healthy serving of canned asparagus.

Surprised, I look up at Jake.

"I guess I should have taken it a little easier on you," he says into his food.

I will take this as an apology.

"No. Let's pick up where we left off tomorrow," I suggest cutting into the hunk of meat.

The juices run onto the plate. My mouth begins to water. The center of the meat pink, cooked rare, just as I like. Every time I think my choice is certain, Jake surprises me.

"If you want it cooked more, you're gonna have to put it in the pan yourself," he grumbles.

I laugh.

"You get me every time, Muller. Why must you make this harder for me?"


	10. Chapter 10: Meant to be

Jake throws me in the bed and pulls down my pants. My breathing quickens, my heart races. I watch as he takes his clothes off, his body lean and chiseled. He snatches my shirt off and runs his hands down my body.

He leans on top of me kissing my lips, massaging my tongue with his. My hand caressing his face, my thumb gently stroking his scar. His hand firmly grips my erection as he begins to work his hand up and down its shaft.

I do the same for him. He was blessed, his penis reaching at least 8in fully erect and he was thick. My body shivers with excitement as his hand moves from my dick to my chest. His fingers teasing my nipples. Goosebumps appear on my skin in response to his touch. My heart flutters as he moans into my mouth.

I bite his lip, slightly sucking on it before going back in for more kissing. I stop stroking him and flip us over. His facial expression surprised. I start to trail my kisses from his mouth, to his neck, nibbling and sucking as I move down to his chest, licking and flicking his nipple with my tongue. I move down to his hip bone and lick his penis from base to head.

"Oh fuck," he moans.

I start to suck him off, massaging his balls with my free hand. He pulls my hair, but does not try to control my motion. I go slow, swirling my tongue around the tip. I start to stroke him again, moving my mouth from his penis down to his sac. I use my shoulders to spread his legs as I lick his asshole.

He jumps a little, but doesn't stop me. I lick up from his ass back up to his sac, then to his penis again. I deep throat his length, bobbing my head up and down.

"Goddamn, you're so fuckin' good," he says, pleasure dripping from every word.

I try to tell myself to stop, that he isn't the one, but I can't and I don't. Sure, I am thinking about Chris in the back of my mind, but being with Jake like this was different. I wasn't the vulnerable one, he was, and for Jake to become that was special. He never let's his guard down, not even in his sleep, but while having sex with me he did. He completely trusted me. For

Jake to trust anyone was a big fucking deal. That made sex with him satisfying on a spiritual level as well as physical. It fed my ego. It fed my soul. It fed my lustful hunger. I didn't want him to cum just yet, so I stop. He groans in protest. I grab the Vaseline from the nightstand and apply it to his ass and my cock.

"What are you doin'," he starts becoming defensive.

"Just relax," I say calmly.

I start stroking him and gently slide the tip of my penis in. His rectal muscles tight and kept me from going deeper.

"Just trust me," I reassure him.

He takes a deep breath and I slip in more. I start to rock my hips. I couldn't believe it. Jake Muller was letting me top him. I move deeper and move a little faster. He grips the sheets and bites his lip. His eyes close, brows furl, then his eyes open. He lets go of the sheets and grabs on to my waist. I stop. He pulls me out and pulls me on top of him.

"Put that stuff on yourself," he demands.

I knew it was too good to be true, but even so, just for that moment, Jake let me see a different side to him. I line his erection up with my entrance and carefully put it in. I bounce up and down, riding his cock like a pro. I must admit, I enjoyed this much better.

He starts jerking me off. I reach back to his thighs for better leverage.

He cums inside me, and jerks me a little faster. I orgasm, ejaculating on his chest and stomach. I get off him, my legs shaky and sore. I lie down next to him.

"Don't ever try that again," he yawns.

I smile and nuzzle into him.

"You better not say shit about that either," he exclaims.

I laugh and wrap my arm around his waist. He knocks my arm off and cleans himself with his shirt, then wipes my arm. He tosses the shirt to the floor and yanks my arm back, placing it on his chest.

My body throbbed from sex and sparring, but it was well worth it. I felt satisfied.

The next morning we woke up early and started my lessons. The agenda today included more hand-to-hand. We square off. I manage to block a few of his attacks, but he lands a knee to my groin. I double over in pain.

"I thought you were going to take it easy on me," I groan.

"That's for last night. Don't you ever do that again. You hear me," he gets in my face.

"Do what," my mind draws blank, as I am able to stand up straight.

"I don't care what you do with the gorilla, but I ain't a bitch. You hear me," he grabs me by the neck and rubs his knuckles roughly into my scalp.

"Ow. Ok. Ok," I submit and he releases me.

I assume he is referring to me topping him last night. I smirk at the thought.

"Wipe that look off your face. Come on, lets try shootin' again."

I can't help but laugh.

"I'm 'bout two seconds away from snappin' your neck," he threatens.

"You seem to be walking a little funny today, Jake," I tease.

"That's it," he yells, tackling me to the ground.

We play wrestle. He pins me down, and kisses me.

"Why do you have to be an asshole 99.9% of the time," I joke.

"I thought you like asshole," he says, sitting up.

"Shut up. You're a pain."

"I'm a pain? Ok, Mr. Comatose."

Our playtime is cut short as Sherry's Jetta pulls up. Jake quickly stands up and brushed his clothes off. His smile fades. I sit up, crossing my legs Indian style.

"Jake, we need to talk," she says, getting out of her car.

"You really screwed the pooch, Sher."

"I know. I am sorry. I just was upset. Chris was a wreck, Piers seemed unhappy, you were complaining about having to watch him. I thought. . ."

"Well, you thought wrong! You think Chris can take care of Piers and stay in the BSAA?"

"But. . ."

"But nothin'."

I stand up and slink inside. I find myself getting jealous. I sit in the window ceil and watch them. The history behind Jake and Sherry was too much to stand up to whatever was going on between him and I. Whatever it is. Before this Jake and I met briefly in Edonia, he made a couple smart-ass comments and I wanted him arrested or to beat his ass. Then in China, he tried shooting Chris.

I was three seconds from blowing his head clean off his shoulders. The lift ride together was the longest conversation we had. We hated each other. Yet here I am, fucking him, him protecting me. Then there she was. The way he looked at Sherry, the way he protected her. He didn't have to say anything. He loved her. Why on Earth would he be wasting his time on me?

Right. I seen it happen before, straight guys curious, tempted by the sin of flesh. They sleep with you and act like it never happened. Chastised in hallways, attacked in cafeterias. I have gone through it my entire life. She walks closer and he looks away. She grabs his hands and they look in each other's eyes. He pulls her closer, and kisses her forehead. My stomach turns and I look away. Why am I torturing myself? I guess this is how it's meant to be.


	11. Chapter 11: Decisions, decisions

I've been believing in something so distant as if I was human

And I've been denying this feeling of hopelessness. . .in me

All the promises I made just to let you down.

You believed in me, but I'm broken

I have nothing left and all I feel is this cruel wanting. . .

As much as I'd like the past not to exist it still does and as much as I'd like to feel like I belong here I'm just as scared as you. . .

_Lost in Paradise,_ Evanescence

Depressed, I retreat into the dark bedroom. I curl up in bed, hugging the pillow next to me. It smelled of leather, bonfire, and apples, it smelled like Jake. I hear the front door close. Footsteps. I anticipate having to leave the bedroom, having to be forced to listen to Jake and Sherry again. Karma was a fickle bitch.

I hug the pillow tight and take a deep breath in, feeling like it maybe the last time I can breathe his scent in.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

He sits on the bed, placing his hand on my side.

I roll over to look at him.

"Where's Sherry," I ask.

"I sent her home."

His words repeat in my head. Why would he send her home? Was he choosing me over Sherry? It frustrated me that I could not understand Jake Muller. He lies down next to me and snatches my hand. He holds it in his, examining the scars. His callus feeling rough against the new skin.

Was this his excuse to hold my hand? He would send Sherry away, even though I might choose Chris? My thoughts were reeling. He would send her away despite all they've been through? What the hell am I going to do?

"Why are you doing this, Jake," my voice cracked.

"Chris can't take care of you," he starts.

"That's not what I mean."

I snatch my hand back.

He sighs.

"I am no good at this kinda stuff. If you want me to back off I will. Just say it."

My heart drops. What was he saying.

"I don't understand you," I whisper.

"Just fuckin' tell me so we can stop playin' this game!"

He sits up.

"I don't know," the words, like a ghost, form on my lips.

He sighs and throws himself back.

"I don't like waitin'."

I didn't know what to do. Do I go with Chris and become some science experiment, get cleared to be back on the field and risk getting captured, becoming the key ingredient to making another virus? Or do I stay here with Jake as a recluse, risk the fact of never seeing Chris again?

Do I run the risk of Jake getting bored with me and end up being abandoned, or worse have him sell me to the highest bidder? Would he send me away like he did Sherry when the next piece of ass walks in?

A heavy knock at the door echoes through the halls. Jake huffs.

"That's probably your gorilla."

"I'll get it," I say, getting up.

I take a deep breath and open the door. Chris smiles. My stomach flips.

"Hey, Cap," I say, making my voice sound tired.

"He let you answer the door," he asks, trying to look behind me.

I could have thought this through a little better. Chris was already suspicious, and I had no idea of what I was really doing.

"Yeah, he already knew it was you. Look, we had a long day of training and I am really tired. Can you come back tomorrow," I yawn.

Chris' smile fades. His eyes narrow.

"Uh yeah. Sure thing."

I shut the door before he goes in for a hug. Or ask anymore questions, for that matter. I turn my back against the door and slide down it. I feel my tears well up and I try choking them back. Chris is still on the other side of the door. If I would have let him hug me, I wouldn't let go, he wouldn't have let go.

Tears start to fall as I hear his footsteps go down the stairs. His car door opens and shuts. I imagine him sitting in his car his expression a mixture of confusion and sadness. He is thinking about what just happened, what could be happening.

His car starts.

"Could he be drifting away from me," he'll ask himself.

His car reverses.

"Did I loose him again? Did I loose him for good," he'll wonder.

The tires turn.

"Goodbye," he'll whisper into the fresh forest air.

He drives away.

"Goodbye, Chris."

I feel my heart break, and burry my face in my hands. Jake stands in the archway of the kitchen. I can no longer cry silently and let myself sob. My sadness now echoing through the halls. I feel a hand on my shoulder, and look up.

Jake doesn't have to say anything. He face a mixture of annoyance and sympathy. I wipe away the tears, careful not to snag my eye patch.

Jake pulls me up and helps me in the bed. He says nothing as he lies next to me, wrapping his arms around me.

His breathing calm, grazing my neck as he exhales. The rise and fall of his chest on my back. It felt so comforting, and I let myself let go. I cry so hard, I start to choke. Jake shushes me and starts to rock back and forth.

"Just breath," he says quietly.

I calm myself and breathe. My breathing still jagged, but I felt my fit coming to an end.

"You ok," he asks, turning me around so he can see my face.

I nod.

"Go wash your face with cold water."

I follow orders so well. I slowly take off the eye patch and examine my face, as the cold tap water runs. The scarring was ugly and the dead, ghostly white eye stared blindly back at me. Cupping my hands so water fills them, I bring the liquid to my face. It's freezing, but felt refreshing. I repeat the action until satisfied.

For some reason, I didn't go back to the bed room, instead going to the living room. Jake was putting his boots on. He looked up at me.

"Put your boots on," he says, tying the last bow.

I sit and put my boots on like told. When finished tying my shoes, Jake grabs my hand and yanks me up.

"You're not gonna faint on me again are you," he asks, as we walk through the woods.

"No."

I felt like a child. We walk for a while, until we reach a store parking lot.

"Red or black," Jake asks suspiciously.

"Black."

"Wait here."

I wait in the brush and watch Jake. His hands in his pockets, he looks around. I can hear him whistling. He pulls open a shiny black Dodge Challenger's car door. Was he stealing this car? The car engine turns over. He pulls up.

"C'mon," he yells out the window.

I swiftly get in and look around.

"Did-did you just boost this car," I say as he speeds off.

"Do I look like a common criminal to you," he smirks.

"I lifted this awhile back. The plates and vin can't be traced," he continues, the smug look on his face makes me blush.

I look around. The car is neat, a blue rabbit's foot swings from the rear view mirror. He turns on the radio. A song I never heard before blares out of the speakers. I listen to the words so I don't feel so awkward. Jake bobbed his head to the beat.

"Where are we going," I yell over the music.

"Thought it'd be nice to leave the cabin. We can just ride around."

It was nice. The windows rolled down, music blaring. It felt good being out in the world, without actually being in it. We rode around for hours. I felt liberated. In that moment there was no choosing Jake or Chris. There were no scars. There was no eyepatch, no ghostly white blind eye. No fear of being captured or sold.

I was lost in the moment. The bass reverberating in my chest. It was exciting. Driving around in a stolen muscle car with the bad boy. My heart fluttered at the thought. This was a fantasy I never entertained. I looked over at Jake, he had one hand on the steering wheel, leaned back in his seat.

My cheeks blush. This was happening! Excitement fills my entire being as I deeply inhale the crisp breeze. We were fast approaching a city. The lights danced and sparkled across the night sky like stars. He turned down the music.

"It must have been hell getting me here," I say, letting the reality of things sink in.

"I called in a favor. She pulled some strings and here we are," he shrugged.

"Sherry," I whisper.

He nods.

Sherry is probably kicking herself in the ass right now.

Jake smiles.

"She's probably kickin' herself in the ass right now," he chuckles.

My eyes widen with surprise. I laugh it off as I take in the splendors of the city. The streets full of people, cars, and taxis. Young women dressed in nightwear awkwardly jogging across the street in heels they can hardly walk in, business men in suits out with colleagues discussing numbers and mergers, artsy folk, music enthusiasts, people of every creed. A melting pot of culture and yet no one was really aware of the other.

I ignore my feelings of dread, the idea of an outbreak, the visions of complete and total chaos. Jake grabs my hand.

"Will you chill out. An outbreak isn't gonna happen, and if it does, I will protect you."

His eyes didn't leave the road and for the rest of the ride his hand didn't leave mine.


	12. Chapter 12: Beautiful Lie

It's a beautiful lie. It's a perfect denial. Such a beautiful lie to believe in. . . 'Cause this is just a game. . .

Beautiful Lie - 30 Seconds to Mars

"Piers," a whisper ghosts my ear.

My eyes flutter open.

"Good morning."

Chris is smiling above me, but where was Jake? I sit up.

"I brought you some breakfast."

He hands me a styrofoam container.

"Where's Jake," I ask, panic slowly creeping up.

Chris frowns.

"I don't know. What does it matter? I am sure he is finding a way to keep himself entertained. Besides he can take care if himself."

Underneath Chris' eye was still a shade of purplish-blue. I stare down at the container, and place it on the bed.

"I was thinking of ways to bring you back. . ."

He starts to speak, but I start to get up.

"What are you doing," he asks.

"I just have to use the restroom," I lie.

I needed to know where Jake was. This feeling of dread over-powered everything. I looked outside. His black Challenger gone, Chris' white Hummer parked next to where it would have been. Did he leave once Chris came in? Was there another quarrel?

I make my way back to the bedroom, but there was Chris heating my food in the kitchen. I sat down at the table and he places it in front of me.

"Was he still here when you came in," I ask, my voice sounding dull.

"No. Why do you care?"

"He wouldn't have gone to far without telling me. He wouldn't leave me in such a vulnerable state."

I was getting angry. How could Chris lie to me. He had to have done something or said something to make Jake leave.

"Are you kidding me? This is Jake Muller we're talking about. He doesn't give a shit about anyone, but himself."

"You don't know him," I pound my fist on the table.

"And neither do you."

Chris slides some documents across the table. Curious, I pick them up and scan over them. Files, and pictures, all about selling me for research.

". . . No . . ." I whisper.

"I am sorry, Piers. I didn't want you to find out this way."

I don't know what disillusioned me so much to be this hurt. I knew Jake was cold and calculating. How could I let myself be fooled into thinking other wise?

"I came to take him into custody and take you back where you belong, but he was gone. I informed HQ, and they said he was meeting with a scientist who offered 500,000 dollars for you. They should have took him into custody by now."

I shook my head. He was just buttering me up. That's the real reason he sent Sherry away. He couldn't let her know his true intentions. She was fooled by him too. I felt so stupid.

"Lets go home," I whisper.

Chris smiles.

We get into his Hummer and drive off. I look back at the old cabin from the rear-view, watching as it got smaller as we put more distance between us and it. Trying to leave the memories behind as well, but they hold on for dear life, so I close my eyes tight. Jake's smile, his arms around me, his lips on mine, our playful fights, his caring side, and those blue eyes, I still see and feel them. It pains my heart.

We reached Chris' apartment in three days, with pit-stops in between. It felt weird being back there. I walk in to the bathroom and lock the door behind me.

I fight back tears. How could I be so careless? I stare into the mirror, and remove the eye patch. The dead white eye, the ugly scarring. I toss the patch into the trash. I didn't want anything that could remind me of Jake Muller's deception.

"Piers, you ok in there?"

Chris knocked.

"Yeah."

I open the door.

He smiles.

We spend the first night of my being home watching Netflix on his couch and eating spaghetti. It was nice being back in Chris' arms, but a part of me still felt empty. It pissed me off to think I let Jake Muller take a part of me. I let him in. I dropped my guard. How foolish I had been.

I rest my head against Chris' chest, the gentle rise and fall lulling me to sleep. He gently strokes my hair as my eyes fight to stay open.

"Welcome home, Piers," he whispers, kissing me on my forehead.

I smile and close my eyes, drifting off to sleep.

_My hands gripped the sheets as Jake roughly thrusted into me. The harsh slapping sounds, moans, and scents of sweat and sex, filling the air. He leans onto me, biting my shoulder._

_I turn my head to see Chris stroking himself to sight of us. I bit my lip, knowing that Chris was getting off drove me crazy. He walks over to me and I hungrily take his hard cock into my mouth._

_Chris didn't hold back, thrusting his length to the back of my throat. He was rough and yet gentle. Jake's hips move faster, deeper, harder, I moan. My entire body felt amazing, it was like I was on drugs. Hands all over me, worshiping every inch. _

_Jake pulls out and switches places with Chris. I try to suck him off, but he doesn't let me, instead he starts to jerk off onto my face. Normally, I'd be offended, but not now. Nothing could ruin this._

_Strings of semen shoot onto my face, I open my mouth wide to taste it. Jake then put his cock in my mouth, as Chris pounded my ass. I was on the verge of orgasm, but suddenly that carefree feeling melted away._

_I felt dirty and slutty. The men fucking me, whose faces I've known begin to distort into demonic creatures. _

In a cold sweat, I shoot up from my slumber. I look around. Chris must have put me in his bed, but where was he? I get up, and quietly open the door.

"No, he's here now. I don't know, Claire. I hope not. I did what I had to."

I heard Chris on the phone. What was he talking about?

"I just printed up some documents. No. Took some archive pictures of some guy that kind of looked like him. I know, but it's for the best. It's what's good for him. Jake was perverting him. I can take care of him. Well, I can take care of Jake too."

Did Chris bring me here under false pretenses? Everything about about Jake selling me for research, taking him into custody, was all a lie. He put me in danger all for his selfishness. My heart shattered. I didn't know who to trust anymore.

"I can't believe you would stoop this low," I speak up, my eyes welling with tears.

"Shit, Claire, let me call you back."

He hangs up the phone.

"It's not what you're thinking. It's late. You should be resting," he says, getting up, moving closer to me.

I step back, shaking my head in disapproval.

"You would've been the last person I'd expect this from," I exclaim, pushing his arms away, as he tried embracing me.

"Piers, I had to."

"Why? You couldn't handle it, Chris," I screamed.

So many emotions were coursing though me all at once.

"I couldn't lose you again," he screams back, trying to hold me.

I swat him away once more.

"Too late."

I slide on my boots and storm out of the apartment. Chris rushed after me.

"Piers where are you going? How are you going to get back to the cabin, huh? It's too dangerous," he whispered, trying not to disturb his neighbors.

I ignored his calls. He finally catches up to me at the elevator. He grabs my arm, but I yank away.

"Don't touch me," I yell as loud as I can.

Chris lets go, as tenants from the building open their doors. Embarrassed, he backs off and I slip away on the elevator. I smile to myself as I eye the car keys in my hand. Guess I hadn't forgotten everything.

Chris would probably have taken the stairs, so I hurry to his car.

"Piers! Stop! Please!"

Just as I expected. I turn the engine over and speed off. Peeling out of the parking lot like a bat out of hell.

God, how could he lie to me like that? I never thought I couldn't trust him. Him. My captain. No, this is not my captain, this man is an imposter. I don't know that man. That man is a product of jealousy. An emerald fiend and nothing more. Nothing more.


	13. Chapter 13: True Colors

'Cause I'm addicted, I'm needy, I'm lost without you. I need you. Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saves a wretch like me? I once was lost, but now I'm found. Was blind, but now I see. . .

-Amazing Because it is, The Almost

I was able to reach the cabin in two days. When I walked in there were still no signs of Jake. I wandered though the rooms. Empty. Where could he have gone? I guess I got what I wished for. I no longer had to choose between the two men. I never thought Chris could deceive me the way he did, and when Jake disappears he becomes a ghost. Without any help, technology, or idea, there was no way for me to track him down. What the hell am I supposed to do now?

Damn it. Why do I have to be so broken? I walk out to the Hummer and rummage through the glove-compartment to find Chris' pistol. I grab the weapon and check it. Thankfully it was loaded, I had to protect myself somehow, the only problem being I couldn't stay here, and I couldn't keep driving around in Chris' car. He was surely coming for me. I sighed. Not knowing what to do, I wander into the bedroom and lie on the bed. I was so tired. Is Jake even looking for me? Does he think I've been kidnapped? Is he worried? I sigh. How could Chris lie to me like that? Was it all for my benefit or his? He went all out to deceive me, got to give him an A for effort though.

I begin to feel numb. Curling up, I bring the pillow that smells like Jake close to my chest, breathing it in. The handgun close by. My eyes start to fall shut and I slip off to sleep.

I jolt up from hearing footsteps in the cabin. I quickly grab the gun, aiming at the door as it swings open. I pull the trigger, but nothing happens.

"It might help if you turned the safety off. What the hell did I train you for?"

Jake stood there looking grumpy as ever. I sigh in relief, putting the gun down. So many feelings and thoughts start to rush over me. I jumped off the bed and threw my arms around him. I actually missed him.

"You didn't try to sell me did you," I ask, my face buried between his neck and shoulder.

"Sell you? I thought you were fuckin' kidnapped. I went to Chris' to try and find you, but no one was there. I could fuckin' kill him."

I back off.

"Why did you come back here?"

I look deep into those striking blue eyes.

"Somethin' told me you were here. I saw the Hummer and thought it was Chris, that stupid motherfu-"

He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose.

"What happened," he finishes.

"I woke up and you weren't here. Chris showed me these papers with all this evidence on you trying to sell me to some scientist."

"And you believed him?"

He shook his head.

"I didn't think he would lie to me."

Jake is chewing the inside of his cheek. I'm not sure if it was to stop him from saying something or if it was out of annoyance.

"I overheard him on the phone with his sister, and then I stole his car."

He laughs.

"You're learnin' bad habits."

I smile.

"What are we going to do?"

I look down at my hands.

He exhales deeply.

"Well, we both know that the big guy is gonna come bustin' through the front door with the intent to kill, and I know you don't want me hurtin' him. So I don't know, Puppy. What do you want?"

What did I want? That was a good question.

"I guess I would have to speak to him. As long as I am here with you he will be concerned, but he's going to have to learn to deal with it, although I am not sure how far he will go."

I knew what Chris was capable of. He would kill Jake if given the opportunity. I am sure Jake would do the same.

"All this damn drama. . ."

He shakes his head.

"We have time to think. I took his transportation after all, and he isn't dumb enough to come here in a BSAA issued vehicle."

I shrug, trying to look on the bright side.

"Now you know damn well he is already on his way over here."

He was right. Chris would do absolutely anything.

"Can I use your phone," I ask.

He quirks an eyebrow, but hands it over. I dial Chris' number.

"Hello?"

He was obviously driving and very agitated.

"Chris, I need you to listen to me. I am sorry things had to be this way, but you have to understand that being with you is too dangerous. Please just think for a minute. I know you don't like the idea of me being in Jake's custody, but he is the best option for me. At least until you figure stuff out on your end."

He stays quiet for a moment.

"I can't stand the thought of him touching you."

"You're wasting your time thinking about what Jake and I are doing and not enough on how to bring me back home safely."

He sighs.

"Piers, I love you."

The words were like a kick to the gut. All the air from my lungs felt like it had been squeezed out.

The whole time Jake is standing in front of me, the look on his face was solemn. I must admit that what I was saying sounded like I was just using him, when that wasn't the case.

"I-I love you too, Chris."

As the words fall from my lips, Jake walks out the room. I hear the bathroom door slam and lock. I shut my eyes.

"but I can't forgive you for lying to me and putting me in danger. I think it's best if you just stayed your distance."

". . .ok. . ."

He hangs up. It hurt, like my heart was being ripped in two directions, now to fix things with Jake.

Knocking on the door, I call his name.

"What," he answers. His voice lacked that kindness that I was getting used to.

"I know how all that sounded, but . . ."

The door flies open, almost knocking me over.

"I get it ok? You don't have to explain shit!"

"Jake, will you please calm down?"

"I am calm!"

"It's not like how you think."

"Then what, Puppy? 'Cause it sure sounds like you're just stringin' me along until you can be back in those big hulkin' arms. That as of right now I'm just a convenient replacement."

"It's not like that! Please just hear me out!"

Those blue eyes lock onto mine.

"I'll be that guy for as long as you need, and I'll be that guy when you don't. I actually have feelin's for you, and I feel like a fuckin' idiot. . ."

I cut off his words with a kiss.

"I have feelings for you too, but you have to understand that Chris and I have history. None of that will go away, but that doesn't mean I don't have room for you in my future."

He kisses me softly, and I melt. He lays me down in bed and we make love. Actually _make love_. All our previous romps were fucks, but this, this was different. The pace was slow and sensual as opposed to fast and angry. The thrusts from his hips were still powerful, but not as harsh, and he _held me_. Sure we would cuddle after fucking each other's brains out, but never during the act. Could Jake actually _love_ me? Was that what he meant?

I never thought that I could be with anyone other than Chris, but spending this time with Jake had me questioning my loyalties. Not to mention the incident with Chris' lying. That will be something I could never fully understand. Sighing as I roll over to put my arm around the sleeping man, I snuggle in close. The smell of leather, bonfire, and apples fill my nostril as I breathe him in, my heart begins to flutter. A smile tugs at the corners of my lips, never in a million years, not in my wildest dreams would I imagine to feel this way about Jake Muller. I couldn't stop staring at him, his long eyelashes, and that scar.

His eyes begin to slowly open, and they meet my gaze.

"What are you doin', Pup," he asks.

I swear his tired voice was the sexiest, I could just listen to him talk for hours.

"Just thinking," I answer with a swoon.

A smirk appears on his pink lips.

"You're bein' weird, go to bed."

"I can't sleep."

A frown replaces his signature smirk. I watch as he gets up from the bed and disappear from the room. I fight the urge to follow him, knowing it will only irritate him, so I impatiently wait for his return. Within a couple minutes he reappears with a mug in hand.

"Here, I made you some tea. It has chamomile, so it'll help you sleep."

Jake was thoughtful and kind when he wanted to be, it was moments like this that always caught me off guard. I was so grateful to receive this treatment from the mercenary. Taking the mug, I blow on the hot liquid before taking a tiny sip. He had sweetened it perfectly with honey. I smile.

"Thank you."

"Uh huh," he hums as he rolled over adjusting himself to get comfortable.

Despite what happened, I was fine. I thought I would have been more upset, but after having that talk with Chris and seeing the real Jake, I didn't shed another tear.

"You ok? I mean you aren't actin' right?"

His questions catch me off guard, I thought he was asleep. I almost choke on the tea.

"No, I am fine."

"I know you love Chris, and what he did was shitty. He never shoulda done that, but I know why he did it. I guess I am wonderin' if you understood where he was comin' from. "

I instantly felt pissed. What the hell was he going on about? I don't say a word.

"I'mma take that as a no."

He rolls over to face me, blue eyes locked onto mine.

"He loves you, and he's lost you once before. How do you think he feels knowin' that you're happy in the arms of another man? I mean just put yourself in his position for a minute. You know he wasn't lyin' to intentionally hurt you, no matter how selfish he was by doin' it, it was never to harm you."

His words hurt. I couldn't understand why he was telling me this.

"Why are you all of sudden sticking up for him? I thought that this is what you wanted?"

"I'm not stickin' up for him. I just want you to choose me for the right reasons. I know you said you had feelin's for me, but you love him and he feels the same for you. I guess I am questionin' my ability to stand up to that. I'm not very good at that kinda stuff."

"Jake, you're perfect."

"Well I guess I am pretty good, huh?"

I roll my eyes. His arrogance was once an annoyance, but now it was something I loved about him. I finish my tea and nuzzle up to him. He wraps an arm around me and places a sweet kiss on my forehead. We don't sleep. Instead we stay up the rest of the night talking about anything and everything. This was a different Jake, this was _my_ Jake.


End file.
